The Impulsive Decision

Perhaps, there is no such thing as a harmless night out... Waking up this morning with a terrible headache and aching all over, the guilt just surrounds me and followed me wherever I go..*gulp*.. So, it was an impulsive decision..nevertheless, the fault still lies on the hand of the decision-maker....i.e.ME...ME..and still ME....so.. no one to be blamed...except ME... hence, here I am...trying hard to study...with no avail... ended up blooging..LOL...what an irony.. Hmmm...realizing how many impulsive decisions I have made these days, I feel even more and more despaired..."why am I so stupid..?" So...lets go back 5 days and 12 hours to the past...it was after Jean's surprise birthday dinner. Hanging out in Kenneth's until 12 sumthing.. talking about crap... that was one impulsive decision..when I was supposed to be back home, facing Keith Moore and Kumar and Clark... When I was finally able to make a firm decision to go back... IT SNOWED...... HEAVILY.... THE HEAVIEST OVER THIS YEAR IN GLASGOW... The call came "hey, u wanna go out and play in the snow?" "what? now?u crazyyyy,.........?!?!?!" "No...itz damn fun...there is no other time...seriously.." "hmm... let me think about it..where u guys going?text me...if i wanna go, i'll join u guyz...!" so..spending the next 15 minutes, looking at the window...assessing the thickness of the snow in the ground..thinking.."hack it...I can build a massive snowman with this amount of snow....!" Another call came "hey..come la... we're playing in kel Gate now..." Here it is... the IMPULSIVE DECISION... "OKAY!!!"goodness....I am crazy.."wait for me in the junction..." *sigh*...well.. stupidity never leads us to any good...I mean..never... It was fun though... 5 crazy peeps... just running around.. buried in the snow... soaked clothes and jacket.. "I cant feel my finger..i cant feel my leg..My face is painful...."walked for half an hour to reach the park...It was beautiful...if u've watched Narnia...itz something like it...but with Glasgow uni as the background... spending the next 2 hours just playing, not being myself...how fun that was!!!! when the 2 hours time was reached, all of us gave up...we need warmth....real warmth... so.. there we were..takeaway shop... eating chips drinking hot tea... *sigh...*the best place ever... well..truth to be told, If i could repeat the time, I would still go and do it anyway... aawwwww.... the worst still haven't come yet... when you spend the next 72 hours... lying on the bed and sick... u realized how stupid it was... especially when everyone else played in the snow in the morning...when it was 20 degrees warmer, with sunshine and no drop of snow...on your head... so yeah...I was sick..the whole week..not good...really not good... just thinking about the amount of time left for me before the exam.. --> I freaked out....really freaked out... BUT... still unable to make myself just sit there and look at my books more than 15 minutes... "what has happenned to me?!?!" Ooo well.. the first step.. I need to stop blooging, right? hmm, this might last for 1 day..so.. fingers crossed, toes crossed, body crossed... I can do what I aim to do... lastly, cheerzzzzz to all da peeps last nite..was good fun...

The Week-full of obstacles

*sigh* so...maybe u've been wondering ..What's up with me? to tell u the truth, nothing's up....although these few days I've been down..I am pretty sure things are gonna get better, aren't they? Let's begin with what happenned last week? 1. The shock of my life -- washing machine broke... water flowed continuously to our kitchen floor.."WE HAD A POOL!!"..hot water at first, switched off the boiler, freezing water afterward...ended up scooping water until 4 in the morning...not how I wanna end my day after such a tiring day... BUT...s*** happens... and it happens at the time when u don't expect it to come 2. Another shock of my life -- not even 24 hours after the first shock...-- haven't even recovered yet --another shock came..this was like..worse..so. the first was a WARNING shock --ever heard of that?!?! Seriously... s*** happens...and it really happens when u never actually think that itz gonna happen..but.. some things are better left unsaid... sigh.. So, I was left despaired and disappointed...feeling hurt in another word.."feeling crap...really crap". Losing hope, feeling unworthy, confused and lost...again.... really..not knowing what to do... is not the state of my life that I want to re-live. Sometimes, I feel like "I want to be able to make the perfect decision", "I want to be able to know what to do when I don't", " I want to be able to 'be able' anytime anywhere..." guess what, these things don't happen...harsh reality of life.. but just have to accept it. so 24 hours after the 2nd shock... I couldn't face anyone... maybe it was because of my eyes.. maybe it was because of the weather.. maybe it was because of my laziness... maybe it was because i was shocked... One way or another...I didn't face anyone. i confined myself in my four-sided bedroom (So is anyone else's bedroom..oo well..) so.. yeah.. thinking...and thinking... i realized something about 5 states of receiving bad news 1. shock 2. denial 3. anger 4. bargain 5. acceptance so i'm still in 3rd stage for now.not sure about whether i'll move on to another stage ever. so, here I am... 168 hours after the whole thing... still in an "aftershock" period. still confused and undecisive.. things can only get better now, can they??? *sigh*

The journey - not the end...

*sigh..* An hour journey...back and forth...added up to 2 hours...i am totally and utterly knackered, hammered, and dehydrated... wen u start to see sheeps running around and rainbow overlying the harbour..you know for sure that you are sooooo far away from civilisation.... In conclusion... Incerclyde royal hospital.. is by far the furthest and most isolated place on earth... well... having to sit in a car for one hour with a raging driver...3 roadworks in between and snow on the roof and pavements...that was one of the longest hours in my life... so... what did I do? Tried to sleep...... with no avail...*crap* after every position that I tried - sleeping position in the car, to make myself fall asleep - I end up with an aching all over my body at the end of the day.. and mind as clear as crystal... I didn't sleep at all...*aiks..* Fortunately, our consultant did not rage on us... no scolding that day... *phew*...what a relief... I mean..who would want to spend such a long journey when everyone else is still sleeping tightly on their beds..just to get scolded, crashed and burned by the consultant??? well.. NOBODY... but life is mean...so..what I'm trying to tell you is that actually happenned..our clinical teaching is such a torturing period of time.... *sob*....*sob*.... anyway...move on to some random topic... last night we had a small gathering... since we did not have anything better to do, we actually came up with "what actually those grades stand for ?(A,B,C,D,etc).... so.. u all know... if u get below D..itz an F --> Freakingly sad... D --> Danger..but still survive.. surprisingly.... C --> Can la.... B --> Better....haha A --> Awesome so... lame as it sounds.. nevertheless, we really came up with those stuff after a great chicken, mushroom, carrot dinner. All these can be achieved because of the contributions of these people: May, Chris, Sue, Caroline, and Me.... But... the journey to achieve what we have achieved...was not easy... here are some of the preview of what happenned: May : so... if B is better... what's a D? Chris : D...*cheeky laugh*..Dumb.. May : U're so mean...no...no...D...D...what can D stand for? Chris : hmmm.... Dumber.... May : *deep breath* Caroline : D is still pass right? All : yeah.... May : hmmm....Danger...still pass but dangerous..right?..*relieved* All : *nod together* *impressed* Sue : so, what's an A? Chris : A genius.... All : no such thing....A.....A.....A.... Chris : *another cheeky laugh*....Absolutely dumb.... May : what's wrong with u...man? *long pause*..... *longer pause*..... Chris : Awesome....... *SALUTE* *clap-clap* *hats-off*....for Chris..... so...that was it.....our journey..... lame journey...for great achievement...