The middle - Living life to the fullest

*sigh...* okay.. so the response to my first post was--> "are u okay?"+"life is not that bad"+"go and sleep!" to clarify all things...NO... I DON'T think I have depression, and...okay...maybe..there is a slight disappointment here and there... but what's life without them??? BUT... after doing a mini mental state examination: If u answer yes to more than 5 questions - more or less.. u r depressed.. 1. do u find urself losing interest in any kind of activities? YES 2. do u find urself losing concentration? YES 3. do u have trouble sleeping at night?or waking up in the morning? YES and YES 4. have you ever had any kind of thought of harming urself? or ending ur life? NOOOO.......(thank God for that)..... 5.well... the rest i don't remember.... in conclusion, having answered YES to 7 out of 9 questions there, leaving me in doubt about my life so far... "do I really have depression?" after few days of thinking, turning my brain inside out, the answer actually popped up last night NO WAY....I am so not depressed... The fact is...there's no reason whatsoever that can justify my so-called depression.. I have great family, great friends, great life..which though are not the best.. but they are mine..YAY!!! I may be feeling down..for a loooooong time... so what? people do feel down... i mean.. normal people do.. and I still think of myself as normal..if not 'special'..LOL.. seriously... for any of u, whoz feeling down out there...think about how ur friends and families still care about u.. it will lift ur spirit up.. so..don't ask me why the title of this post is that..it just suddenly strucked me..so.. yeah.. LIVE UR LIFE TO THE FULLEST..(not by blogging though..) by the way, on saturday,surprisingly Scotland actually beat England in the 6 nations rugby- 18-12...That was held in Edinburgh, 1 hour away from where I live.. It has nothing to do with me at all, but since I live in scotland, that actually gave me a little bit sense of pride..of living in this cold, windy and forever wintry country...for once... *Deep breath* *sigh..* actually helps u to feel better..at least ur breathing... so, I am not so lost...or maybe I am.. but who cares... everyone in this world always feel lost..

The Beginning

*Sigh...* You begin ur day by opening ur eyes... lying on the bed for another extra 15 minutes... just to feel the comfort of ur duvet... Looking at the clock opposite u... just to realize that u r already late for class Jumped out of bed.. tripped and fell flat on the ground (occasionally...) Rushed to the bathroom... to find that ur other housemate is using the one and only room u wanted to be in at that exact moment... Went back to ur bedroom... lying on ur bed AGAIN and wake up 3 hours later *Sigh...*

So... that's just a little bit of introduction of how my life begins most days in this cold and windy city...

Sometimes, I wonder, is this how it is supposed to be...? I mean...

As a medical student, we don't expect a whole lot of excitements...but, sometimes I think to myself, "am I in the wrong field?"..."do I want to spend the rest of my life..facing sick patients..talking to sick patients..treating sick patients..realizing that u cannot help those sick patients..any longer...?"

But last week, I found out more than half of medical students in UK.. think exactly da same thing that I think...

"well.. they don't spend bloody 20 thousand pounds each year..to attend med school..In fact, they don't have to spend any single quid at all..." So I think it's fair for them to actually think what they are thinking...

3 years in med school....What hav I learnt?next to nothing...Awww...that life is harsh..and that you spend half of your day.. trying NOT to give up what u believe in most...Although, I guess this happens to everyone...so..what can I do...?

I am just LOST...